Go Through to Get Through

“Why am I’m here?”

“Why do I always feel like a burden to my family?”

“Why can’t I just have a healthy relationship with people that are dear to me?”

I thought these thoughts as I sat at my desk during the first hour in high school. I looked around and saw how my classmates were smiling, laughing with one another, or focusing on their class assignment. I couldn’t take the sight anymore. I couldn’t take seeing everyone around me, smiling and laughing while I sat with confusion written on my face. Before I got teary-eyed, I excused myself to the girl’s restroom. As I walked down the long and empty school hallway, I thought about what would the world be like, without me here? Would my family members care? Would I be at peace finally? I wasn’t quite sure of the answers, but I know I was willing to find out.

As I reached the girl’s bathroom, I immediately checked the other stalls to see if there were any other girls in the restroom with me. For some reason, I wanted to be alone. I didn’t want anyone around. Not even my best friend. As I walked into the stall, I pull out a bottle of painkillers I grab that morning for the house. I turn the bottle around and read the name “Painkillers.” I opened the bottle and thought to myself; I hope it takes all my pain away. Then that’s when I took a handful of pills. After I swallowed those painkillers, I felt horrible. My stomach started to hurt, and thoughts of not being with my family came into my mind. I turned around and quickly put my finger down my throat to throw up the painkillers.

As I walk back down the long, empty hallways, I stopped at the nurse’s station to inform her what I just did. She suggests that I go home and take as much time I need off. She then phones a relative to pick me up from school to take me home. I never told anyone until now. I wanted to forget what I did to myself as if the situation would magically disappear, but later in my life, I realize that that situation caused so much damage to my wellbeing.

When individuals feel like giving up on their life, that means that the person is experiencing pain, and the only way they think, it will get better for them, is to cause physical pain on themselves, which is better known as suicide. When a person attempts suicide, you may wonder what causes this person to take extreme measures? I’m going to name a few and give several details about what causes a person to do so.

In the article “Why Do People Commit Suicide” by Nancy Schimelpfening, MS, she expresses relevant information on why individuals think of suicide attempts. She also said, “There might have been no clear warning signs, and you may wonder what clues you might have missed. Often, many factors combine to lead a person to the decision to take their own life.

1.) Mental Illness

 Many reasons can make a person commit suicide, and the number one reason is severe depression. Depression can make people feel great emotional pain and loss of hope. According to the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention (AFSP), depression is about half of all suicides. Other mental illnesses that can increase the risk of suicide are:

  • Bipolar disorder
  • Borderline personality disorder
  • Eating disorders
  • Schizophrenia

2.)Traumatic Experiences

 A person who has had a traumatic experience. Including childhood sexual abuse, rape, physical abuse, or war trauma, is at a higher risk for suicide, even many years after they experienced their trauma experience. Nearly 22% of people who were raped had attempted suicide at some point, while 23% who experienced physical assault tried to take their own life at some point. Depression is common after trauma and among those with Post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), causing feelings of helplessness and hopelessness that can lead to suicide.

3.) Substance Use and Impulsivity

Drugs and alcohol can also influence a person who is feeling suicidal, making them more impulsive and likely to act upon their urges than they would be while sober. The rates of substance use and alcohol use disorder are also higher among people with depression and other psychological disorders.

4.) Loss or Fear of Loss

People may decide to take their own life when facing a loss or the fear of a loss. These situations can include:

  • Academic Failure
  • Being arrested or imprisoned
  • Financial problems
  • End of a close friendship or relationship
  • Loss of friends or family acceptance

You may never know why a person attempted to commit suicide. While it might have appeared that someone had everything to live for, it probably didn’t feel that way.

Expressing a suicide situation can be scary, so I don’t want you to tell me about the situation unless you are comfortable. If you are not comfortable, that is understandable. It takes time to open to anyone about your experience.

In the next article, I will share my experiences about getting the help I needed and list tips on how you to can make a full recovery.

Don’t give up is the motto, and ALWAYS remember to #beboldstandbackup!

Positive Affirmation #1

When I walk into my bathroom in the morning, I look in my mirror and tell myself this affirmation EVERY morning! The image I see starting back at me is also the image others see. Not only do I want to show them, but I want them to FEEL my beautiful energy



What is strong, you might ask?
Strong is me!
The one that endured so much
The one with her roots,
Planted firmly in the ground
No matter how hard the wind blows,
I will NEVER fall down

Strong is YOU!
Imagine being born in the arms of love.
Just to be uprooted and plant into the arms of immorality.
Strong is understanding that you don’t belong to anyone.
But STILL, give and show love anyways.

Strong is standing in front of a blossoming field.
With high winds blowing
As you look around
You see petals soaring in the wind.
You look up, and you look all around.
You see, your petals are still attached.
I’m this STRONG!

A Child Left Behind

When I was a young girl, I remember excitedly putting on my shoes and coat to walk my two brothers to school with my mom. On the outside of the school building, it was massive with lots of windows. I remember walking inside the building and seeing so many children heading to their classrooms. As a child, I remember looking up to my mother, asking her if I could stay for a couple of hours. Of course, my mom didn’t allow me to stay, but she told me when I got older, I could come back. There was a time where one of the teachers showed up screen me to see if I was ready to start school. I was so excited when my first day of kindergarten came around. I was ready for school!

Kindergarten was a great school year for me. First grade is where I seem to have a problem. I wasn’t sure what could have been worked out, but I remember being at a meeting with my first-grade teacher and mother. During that time of the meeting, I felt like there was a problem, but I didn’t quite understand. After the meeting was over, I was told that I would be repeating the first grade. It didn’t dawn onto me until the next school year when I had the same teacher but had different classmates. During that time, I suffer from extremely low self-esteem. When recess came around, I isolated myself from the other children because I didn’t want the kids to make fun of me during that time.

“Everyone falls at some point in their life, but failure is just life trying to move us in another direction. The key is to learn from every mistake because every experience, encounter, and particularly your mistakes are there to teach you and force you into being more who are.”


In recent research, Amanda Morin wrote an article “Repeating a Grade: Pros and Cons” about what are some logical reasons why your child has to repeat a grade level and why you should not have a child repeat a grade level. The Pros benefits are:

  • Children who missed a lot of school due to illness, emotional trauma, or a move may benefit from repeating a grade level.
  • Children who can tell you they feel like another year in the same grade will be helpful is the right candidate for repeating a grade level.
  • Children who have behavior issues or stress related to schoolwork may benefit from repeating another grade level.

Now let us move on to the Cons of having a child repeat the same grade level:

  • Children who are already the oldest in their grades will be almost two years older than the rest of the class.
  • Children who will be taught the same skills in the same way without any different supports in place typically dont benefit from repeating a grade level.
  • Children who repeat a grade level tend to lose the positive gains within two to three years after being held back.

 The National Association of School Psychologists (NASP) reports that some children do better in school the first year or two after having to repeat a grade level, but it also says that this effect doesn’t last. Also, NASP points out that children with learning and thinking differences may not do better unless there are new, specific interventions in place. If a child is held back because they struggle to learn, more of the same kind of teaching doesn’t help. Moving up a grade with new learning supports in place may be a better solution. No matter how you try to explain it, having your child repeats a grade level will give your child the message that they are not as smart as their classmates. In the article ” Should My Child Repeat a Grade” written by Laura McGuimn MD,FAAP, she mentions that children who repeat a grade level may contribute to long-term issues with low self-esteem and emotional and social difficulties. As a parent, you play an essential role in your children’s education. You have the right to be involved in the decision-making process. If the parent wants to get help if their child is in danger of repeating a grade, please try these options before making the final decision on making your child repeat a grade level.

  • Set attendance goals. Don’t underestimate the harm of these school absences. Children who are absent in kindergarten and first grade are less likely to read on grade level by the third grade.
  • Talk with your pediatrician. Your pediatrician may refer your child to psychological and educational evaluations. These can help identify any neurodevelopmental and language disorders, learning and intellectual disabilities, emotional health issues, and sources of stress that can be addressed.
  • Get supports at school. Your pediatrician can help you request and advocate for the best Individualized Education Program (IEP) or 504 plan at the child’s school and help you advocate for changes to existing plans.
  • Reinforce your child’s learning at home. In addition to doing homework, your children should spend time reading not only with you but also on their own. If a child finds pleasure in reading, it increased the chances that it will become a lifelong habit. 
  • Look into alternatives to repeating the grade. In addition to academic supports and services such as extra one-on-one time with a teacher’s aide, there are other alternatives to repeating a grade. One example is multi-age grouping, or mixing children from two or more grade levels in the same classroom. Other options include allowing children to repeat a failed semester instead of a full year. Extended school year or summer learning programs may also be offered in some areas.

Now I want to hear from you. Have you ever experienced a time where you were on the brink of repeating a grade level, or do you know anyone that had to repeat a grade level. Express how you felt about your experience.

Don’t give up is the motto and ALWAYS remember to #beboldstandbackup!

Hard work DOES pay off

Its been a while since I updated my site, and I’m here to tell you that I have been busy. My husband and I have been in work mode to accomplish our goal of becoming a nonprofit charitable organization. For the past 3 months we were working on this lengthy and very detailed application, and was tested multiple times. I had to make a business trip back to my hometown where most of my relatives didn’t want to see me because of my mini but not finish segments interviews of my past. A potential partner bag out of the project and was only my husband and I left on the board.

At that time, so much was going on. I’ve wondered why were people so upset with me and why did our partner decided to go his own ways after almost completing our tax-exempt status. So much was going on in my tiny head, that I got a little discourage. Then I looked back on my life and seen how far I came. From sleeping in my car, to becoming my OWN boss, I have no right to be down and feeling helpless. With that small prep talk I gave myself, I then realize who was important. The family members that didn’t speak to me, indecisive business partner, or my family and I.

Of course there are going to be family members, that don’t want to agree with you on YOUR vision. Of course there will strangers that will not get the concept of your dream and I’m here to tell you that is fine. Say what now Mariah? Yes it is perfectly fine, because at the end of the day, the path that you are headed down is the path GOD has specifically planned out for you. Trust me you will get discourage, but what you do after that is what really counts. Turn that discouragement into motivation. I did it and guess what, I’m am the Vice-President of my own company!

I know people that have goals and dreams that they will like to accomplish, but don’t have the support to keep moving along. Be your own cheerleader! I want to hear from you guys. Tell me a time where you were on that path to success, and someone hop off, or you didn’t have that support group. I want you to tell me what motivated you to keep moving forward.

*Don’t give up is the motto and ALWAYS remember to beboldstandbackup!*


EVERYONE falls down at some point in their life, but failure is just life trying to move us in another direction. The KEY is to learn from EVERY mistake because every experience and encounter are there to teach you and force you into being more of WHO you are!”



” FAITH IS, that it is not always in your hands or things don’t always GO the way you planned, but you have faith that there is a plan for you and you must follow your heart and believe in YOURSELF no matter what!”

– Martina McBride


This quote hits home for me. Just dealing with my current situation, where I have no other choice but to have faith in myself and in everything I believe in. When others around you, don’t really believe in what you do, it can sometimes have you reconsider what you are trying to accomplish in life. But that faith you feel deep down, that’s telling you, that you are doing the right thing, believe it! Trust me. I know that feeling when you not sure because everything around you is fallen down. I know that feeling of being uncertain about where to go next. The only thing you can do at that moment is to listen to your heart. And to be honest, that should be the ONLY thing you do when you are at this point in your life. Trust and have faith that things will get better and before you know it, you will finally SEE that with just a little faith, that things have gotten better!