“Why am I’m here?”

“Why do I always feel like a burden to my family?”

“Why can’t I just have a healthy relationship with people that are dear to me?”

I thought these thoughts as I sat at my desk during the first hour in high school. I looked around and saw how my classmates were smiling, laughing with one another, or focusing on their class assignment. I couldn’t take the sight anymore. I couldn’t take seeing everyone around me, smiling and laughing while I sat with confusion written on my face. Before I got teary-eyed, I excused myself to the girl’s restroom. As I walked down the long and empty school hallway, I thought about what would the world be like, without me here? Would my family members care? Would I be at peace finally? I wasn’t quite sure of the answers, but I know I was willing to find out.

As I reached the girl’s bathroom, I immediately checked the other stalls to see if there were any other girls in the restroom with me. For some reason, I wanted to be alone. I didn’t want anyone around. Not even my best friend. As I walked into the stall, I pull out a bottle of painkillers I grab that morning for the house. I turn the bottle around and read the name “Painkillers.” I opened the bottle and thought to myself; I hope it takes all my pain away. Then that’s when I took a handful of pills. After I swallowed those painkillers, I felt horrible. My stomach started to hurt, and thoughts of not being with my family came into my mind. I turned around and quickly put my finger down my throat to throw up the painkillers.

As I walk back down the long, empty hallways, I stopped at the nurse’s station to inform her what I just did. She suggests that I go home and take as much time I need off. She then phones a relative to pick me up from school to take me home. I never told anyone until now. I wanted to forget what I did to myself as if the situation would magically disappear, but later in my life, I realize that that situation caused so much damage to my wellbeing.

When individuals feel like giving up on their life, that means that the person is experiencing pain, and the only way they think, it will get better for them, is to cause physical pain on themselves, which is better known as suicide. When a person attempts suicide, you may wonder what causes this person to take extreme measures? I’m going to name a few and give several details about what causes a person to do so.

In the article “Why Do People Commit Suicide” by Nancy Schimelpfening, MS, she expresses relevant information on why individuals think of suicide attempts. She also said, “There might have been no clear warning signs, and you may wonder what clues you might have missed. Often, many factors combine to lead a person to the decision to take their own life.

1.) Mental Illness

 Many reasons can make a person commit suicide, and the number one reason is severe depression. Depression can make people feel great emotional pain and loss of hope. According to the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention (AFSP), depression is about half of all suicides. Other mental illnesses that can increase the risk of suicide are:

• Bipolar disorder
• Borderline personality disorder
• Eating disorders
• Schizophrenia

2.)Traumatic Experiences

 A person who has had a traumatic experience. Including childhood sexual abuse, rape, physical abuse, or war trauma, is at a higher risk for suicide, even many years after they experienced their trauma experience. Nearly 22% of people who were raped had attempted suicide at some point, while 23% who experienced physical assault tried to take their own life at some point. Depression is common after trauma and among those with Post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), causing feelings of helplessness and hopelessness that can lead to suicide.

3.) Substance Use and Impulsivity

Drugs and alcohol can also influence a person who is feeling suicidal, making them more impulsive and likely to act upon their urges than they would be while sober. The rates of substance use and alcohol use disorder are also higher among people with depression and other psychological disorders.

4.) Loss or Fear of Loss

People may decide to take their own life when facing a loss or the fear of a loss. These situations can include:

• Academic Failure
• Being arrested or imprisoned
• Financial problems
• End of a close friendship or relationship
• Loss of friends or family acceptance

You may never know why a person attempted to commit suicide. While it might have appeared that someone had everything to live for, it probably didn’t feel that way.

Expressing a suicide situation can be scary, so I don’t want you to tell me about the situation unless you are comfortable. If you are not comfortable, that is understandable. It takes time to open to anyone about your experience.

In the next article, I will share my experiences about getting the help I needed and list tips on how you to can make a full recovery.

Don’t give up is the motto, and ALWAYS remember to #beboldstandbackup!